Why did I find it so difficult to make a decision when I was drinking? I believe that as alcoholics we do not like making decisions. We would rather sit there with all our options open waiting for the divine to intervene and give us the answer, and for it to land fully-formed on our laps without us having to go through the uncomfortable feeling of having to decide. That decision, incidentally, according to Eric Fromm, is the same ‘decide’ as in suicide. That makes perfect sense to me: I’m sure we believe that by making a decision we’re “killing off” half our options. So, instead, we leave all our options open – and then complain that things don’t happen in our lives, that our lives don’t move forward.
I believe there are no wrong decisions today – only new opportunities for me to learn and grow. Indeed, some of my worst decisions (at the time) have turned out to be my biggest blessings. I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this blog if it weren’t for a big “mistake” I made all those years ago when I decided that I could handle just one last drink.
This day offers many challenges and many choices. I can successfully handle all possibilities. Abstaining from life is not an option for people like you and me.
Saturday, 27 June 2009
Thursday, 25 June 2009
The importance of taking some "me time"
When was the last time you took some time out to yourself to recharge, restore, rest, reflect and consider where you are in your journey of life?
Are you struggling with forgiveness?
Is your soul hungry and thirsty for more – trying to find a sacred space in your busy life?
Are old wounds resurfacing and you are finding that old habits are coming back which are stealing your peace and joy?
Why not get away to the peaceful surroundings of St Non’s in St Davids on the Pembroke Coast and take part in a weekend retreat from 28th to 30th August, 2009? This will be a small retreat of 15 people with the emphasis on healing and forgiveness and learning new ways of living and putting the past behind you, and living in the present. One of the biggest challenges of living is to live in the “now” – often guilt and shame from the past and anxiety for the future can leave us stuck in the present.
The retreat will involve the following:
Study of recovery principles using the 12 Step programme of recovery with reflections on scripture;
Workshops/ group work/ and one-to-ones on:
· Forgiveness
· “Healing through love”
· Improving communication
· Your past is your greatest asset
· How to maintain your sobriety
Inspirational speakers to motivate and inspire
Meditation and time to rest
Are you drawn to this weekend retreat? The cost will be £100 per person all inclusive.
If you’re interested contact The Welsh Council on Alcohol and Other Drugs on info@welshcouncil.org.uk or you can telephone 029 2049 3895 or write to: WCAOD, 58 Richmond Road, Cardiff CF24 3AT.
Are you struggling with forgiveness?
Is your soul hungry and thirsty for more – trying to find a sacred space in your busy life?
Are old wounds resurfacing and you are finding that old habits are coming back which are stealing your peace and joy?
Why not get away to the peaceful surroundings of St Non’s in St Davids on the Pembroke Coast and take part in a weekend retreat from 28th to 30th August, 2009? This will be a small retreat of 15 people with the emphasis on healing and forgiveness and learning new ways of living and putting the past behind you, and living in the present. One of the biggest challenges of living is to live in the “now” – often guilt and shame from the past and anxiety for the future can leave us stuck in the present.
The retreat will involve the following:
Study of recovery principles using the 12 Step programme of recovery with reflections on scripture;
Workshops/ group work/ and one-to-ones on:
· Forgiveness
· “Healing through love”
· Improving communication
· Your past is your greatest asset
· How to maintain your sobriety
Inspirational speakers to motivate and inspire
Meditation and time to rest
Are you drawn to this weekend retreat? The cost will be £100 per person all inclusive.
If you’re interested contact The Welsh Council on Alcohol and Other Drugs on info@welshcouncil.org.uk or you can telephone 029 2049 3895 or write to: WCAOD, 58 Richmond Road, Cardiff CF24 3AT.
Why is there no reference to substance misuse?
The Joseph Rountree Foundation study on ‘What is needed to end Child Poverty in Wales? [by 2020] written by Victoria Wrickler of the Bevan Foundation (see Daily Dose, 25/06/09) comes to the following conclusion:
"The evidence is clear that radical changes in
employment, childcare, skills and the taxation and
benefits system are needed if the UK is to eradicate
child poverty by 2020. Whilst some of these changes
will be led by the UK Government, the Welsh Assembly
Government also has a crucial role to play. This
suggests that to meet the specific target of eradicating
income poverty amongst children the Welsh Assembly
Government will need to focus its strategy on:
• providing help for parents to find employment,
through both DWP welfare-to-work programmes
and its own initiatives, if necessary seeking additional
powers to manage DWP programmes;
• dramatically improving childcare provision, including
that for school-age children as well as under-fives,
and enhancing support for carers who wish to work;
• promoting flexible and good quality employment,
including family-friendly working and decent pay,
particularly in the public sector;
• encouraging employers to participate in Local
Employer Partnerships;
• considerably enhancing the skills and qualifications of
adults, taking account of specific needs of parents;
and
• reviewing the benefits, grants and allowances
controlled by the Welsh Assembly Government and
increasing take-up of Welsh and UK benefits.
In addition, if the Welsh Assembly Government wishes
to meet its commitment to eradicate child poverty
by 2020 it will need to introduce and resource a
comprehensive range of other policies. It has already
made a start in addressing child poverty in education,
but this is by no means the only important area. Health
is another key policy area, with poor child health being
closely associated with child poverty ((NPHS, 2007), yet
it has received considerably less attention."
But what has received no attention whatsoever in this report is the impact of Substance Misuse on Child Poverty in Wales.
All children of alcoholics, for example, are affected by their parents’ drinking (Velleman, 2001, p.179). Problems can develop such as: withdrawal, crying, illness, sexual abuse, aggression, delinquency, and drug and alcohol abuse. Academic performance deteriorates, and there could be problems with anti-social behaviour, school environment problems, etc.
Alcoholism and drug dependence is a family illness and years of living with an alcoholic (and/or drug dependent person) are almost sure to make any wife [husband/partner] or child neurotic – it’s also inevitable that it impacts on Child Poverty. Why is there no reference to this in this report? And why has this report failed to make that connection?
"The evidence is clear that radical changes in
employment, childcare, skills and the taxation and
benefits system are needed if the UK is to eradicate
child poverty by 2020. Whilst some of these changes
will be led by the UK Government, the Welsh Assembly
Government also has a crucial role to play. This
suggests that to meet the specific target of eradicating
income poverty amongst children the Welsh Assembly
Government will need to focus its strategy on:
• providing help for parents to find employment,
through both DWP welfare-to-work programmes
and its own initiatives, if necessary seeking additional
powers to manage DWP programmes;
• dramatically improving childcare provision, including
that for school-age children as well as under-fives,
and enhancing support for carers who wish to work;
• promoting flexible and good quality employment,
including family-friendly working and decent pay,
particularly in the public sector;
• encouraging employers to participate in Local
Employer Partnerships;
• considerably enhancing the skills and qualifications of
adults, taking account of specific needs of parents;
and
• reviewing the benefits, grants and allowances
controlled by the Welsh Assembly Government and
increasing take-up of Welsh and UK benefits.
In addition, if the Welsh Assembly Government wishes
to meet its commitment to eradicate child poverty
by 2020 it will need to introduce and resource a
comprehensive range of other policies. It has already
made a start in addressing child poverty in education,
but this is by no means the only important area. Health
is another key policy area, with poor child health being
closely associated with child poverty ((NPHS, 2007), yet
it has received considerably less attention."
But what has received no attention whatsoever in this report is the impact of Substance Misuse on Child Poverty in Wales.
All children of alcoholics, for example, are affected by their parents’ drinking (Velleman, 2001, p.179). Problems can develop such as: withdrawal, crying, illness, sexual abuse, aggression, delinquency, and drug and alcohol abuse. Academic performance deteriorates, and there could be problems with anti-social behaviour, school environment problems, etc.
Alcoholism and drug dependence is a family illness and years of living with an alcoholic (and/or drug dependent person) are almost sure to make any wife [husband/partner] or child neurotic – it’s also inevitable that it impacts on Child Poverty. Why is there no reference to this in this report? And why has this report failed to make that connection?
Tuesday, 23 June 2009
The story of Miss Jones and her dozen pullet eggs
Mr Albert Peacock kept a shop that sold all kinds of goods in a poor area of Warrington - and he had one son named Harold who was seven years old.
Mr Peacock offered a very valuable service to his customers, which was the opportunity to sell their goods in his shop – potatoes, carrots, eggs, onions, etc. Mr Peacock knew you see, that people were short of money in that community and that they depended on this service to help support them financially.
One Saturday morning Miss Jones entered his shop. She had a dozen pullet eggs in her bag. Pullet eggs, incidentally, are very small. “Can you sell there dozen pullet eggs for me, Mr Peacock?” she asked.
“Of course”, said Mr Peacock laughing heartily. “If I can’t sell them for you with all my years of experience as a shopkeeper, I don’t know who can!” And Mr Peacock laughed heartily again. Mr Peacock was quite a hearty laugher. “Come back for your money round about half past four, Miss Jones” he said.
“I’ll most certainly do that.” said Miss Jones. And off she trotted gratefully.
For the rest of the day Mr Peacock traded successfully. But, despite all the comings and goings in his shop; and although he offered the pullet eggs to every customer – strangely enough, Mr Peacock failed to sell a single egg. It was half past three in the afternoon by now, when Harold the son came into the shop and noticed the worry etched on his father’s face. “What’s wrong, dad?” he asked.
“Well, I’m having difficulty selling these pullet eggs for Miss Jones, son” said Mr Peacock. “What shall I do? You see, I know she’s depending on the money from the sale of these eggs to buy a piece of meat for her Sunday dinner tomorrow.”
“Can I try selling them for you, dad?” asked Harold.
“You, Harold - don’t be so ridiculous!” said the father. “If I can’t sell these pullet eggs with all my years of experience as a shopkeeper, what chance do you have boy, as a seven year old?”
“You’ve got nothing to loose” replied Harold impudently.
“Well, I suppose not” Mr Peacock conceded. And with that he handed the pullet eggs over the counter to Harold his son. “Here” he said “and mind you don’t break any!”
Fifteen minutes later Harold was back – and he’d sold all the eggs. His father marvelled. “I don’t believe it! How did you manage to sell all those pullet eggs, Harold – when I’d been at it all day long and failed to sell a single one?”
“Well” said Harold. “You’re a big man dad, and your hands are big. The pullet eggs, which are small, looked like nothing at all in your hands. But I’m a little boy, and in my little hands the pullet eggs looked huge – and everyone fancied them.”
A few weeks ago I read somewhere that the Peacocks Company were going to expand their business empire and were opening a hundred new shops in England and Wales. And I remembered how the original Mr Peacock and his son, Harold, had taught me two valuable lessons.
1) If we do the right thing we get the right result. (That’s obvious with the company Mr Peacock established going from strength to strength. It’s also true for addicts and alcoholics when we embark on the exciting journey of recovery – if we do the right things we get the right results.)
2) And the second lesson was this: no matter how insignificant we think we are - we can, as Harold proved, do some things that no one else can - even though the best qualifications to do that job sometimes appear to belong to other people. (Never underestimate yourself as recovering alcoholics and addicts: you might be the one person who can say the right words at exactly the right time and in exactly the right order – that can save someone from a life of despair, hopelessness and loneliness through addiction to drink and/or drugs. Now, how important is that?!)
Round about Christmas, for example, if you employed the best actors in the world to tell the Nativity story, I’ll bet you a million pounds that a small group of children from a Sunday school class in the back of beyond in rural Wales can do a better job.
See what I mean?
Read more of these daily Blogs by visiting: www.welshcouncil.org.uk
Mr Peacock offered a very valuable service to his customers, which was the opportunity to sell their goods in his shop – potatoes, carrots, eggs, onions, etc. Mr Peacock knew you see, that people were short of money in that community and that they depended on this service to help support them financially.
One Saturday morning Miss Jones entered his shop. She had a dozen pullet eggs in her bag. Pullet eggs, incidentally, are very small. “Can you sell there dozen pullet eggs for me, Mr Peacock?” she asked.
“Of course”, said Mr Peacock laughing heartily. “If I can’t sell them for you with all my years of experience as a shopkeeper, I don’t know who can!” And Mr Peacock laughed heartily again. Mr Peacock was quite a hearty laugher. “Come back for your money round about half past four, Miss Jones” he said.
“I’ll most certainly do that.” said Miss Jones. And off she trotted gratefully.
For the rest of the day Mr Peacock traded successfully. But, despite all the comings and goings in his shop; and although he offered the pullet eggs to every customer – strangely enough, Mr Peacock failed to sell a single egg. It was half past three in the afternoon by now, when Harold the son came into the shop and noticed the worry etched on his father’s face. “What’s wrong, dad?” he asked.
“Well, I’m having difficulty selling these pullet eggs for Miss Jones, son” said Mr Peacock. “What shall I do? You see, I know she’s depending on the money from the sale of these eggs to buy a piece of meat for her Sunday dinner tomorrow.”
“Can I try selling them for you, dad?” asked Harold.
“You, Harold - don’t be so ridiculous!” said the father. “If I can’t sell these pullet eggs with all my years of experience as a shopkeeper, what chance do you have boy, as a seven year old?”
“You’ve got nothing to loose” replied Harold impudently.
“Well, I suppose not” Mr Peacock conceded. And with that he handed the pullet eggs over the counter to Harold his son. “Here” he said “and mind you don’t break any!”
Fifteen minutes later Harold was back – and he’d sold all the eggs. His father marvelled. “I don’t believe it! How did you manage to sell all those pullet eggs, Harold – when I’d been at it all day long and failed to sell a single one?”
“Well” said Harold. “You’re a big man dad, and your hands are big. The pullet eggs, which are small, looked like nothing at all in your hands. But I’m a little boy, and in my little hands the pullet eggs looked huge – and everyone fancied them.”
A few weeks ago I read somewhere that the Peacocks Company were going to expand their business empire and were opening a hundred new shops in England and Wales. And I remembered how the original Mr Peacock and his son, Harold, had taught me two valuable lessons.
1) If we do the right thing we get the right result. (That’s obvious with the company Mr Peacock established going from strength to strength. It’s also true for addicts and alcoholics when we embark on the exciting journey of recovery – if we do the right things we get the right results.)
2) And the second lesson was this: no matter how insignificant we think we are - we can, as Harold proved, do some things that no one else can - even though the best qualifications to do that job sometimes appear to belong to other people. (Never underestimate yourself as recovering alcoholics and addicts: you might be the one person who can say the right words at exactly the right time and in exactly the right order – that can save someone from a life of despair, hopelessness and loneliness through addiction to drink and/or drugs. Now, how important is that?!)
Round about Christmas, for example, if you employed the best actors in the world to tell the Nativity story, I’ll bet you a million pounds that a small group of children from a Sunday school class in the back of beyond in rural Wales can do a better job.
See what I mean?
Read more of these daily Blogs by visiting: www.welshcouncil.org.uk
Monday, 22 June 2009
Freedom is letting people know who I am
Mr Jones the minister was very concerned about Miss Pritchard who had stopped attending church for some reason. He went over to see her.
“What’s responsible, Miss Pritchard, that you’re not attending church these days?” he asked.
“It’s my coat that’s responsible, Mr Jones.”
“Your coat!” said the minister incredulously.
“Yes, it’s not fit for people to see.”
“Nonsense” said Mr Jones, “God doesn’t worry about exterior things – it’s the inside God sees.”
“That’s my trouble, Mr Jones – it’s the lining that’s gone!”
*********
For some reason, addicts paper over all the cracks in their lives, much as Miss Pritchard was attempting to hide the broken lining in her coat. We allow very few people to see what’s actually going on – the despair, the sense of hopelessness, the burden of aloneness and the abject fear –; all these are hidden from the world.
But it was the “lining” in our lives - the spiritual hole in our being - that eventually brought us to our knees: it was an inside job.
Recovery also, therefore, has to be an inside job. Gradually, as we begin to repair the “lining” using spiritual tools such as - self examination, acknowledgment of faults, and restitution of wrongs done and, above all, constant work with others – we find that the exterior of the coat (our world) is also restored to pristine condition.
Freedom is letting people know who I am.
“What’s responsible, Miss Pritchard, that you’re not attending church these days?” he asked.
“It’s my coat that’s responsible, Mr Jones.”
“Your coat!” said the minister incredulously.
“Yes, it’s not fit for people to see.”
“Nonsense” said Mr Jones, “God doesn’t worry about exterior things – it’s the inside God sees.”
“That’s my trouble, Mr Jones – it’s the lining that’s gone!”
*********
For some reason, addicts paper over all the cracks in their lives, much as Miss Pritchard was attempting to hide the broken lining in her coat. We allow very few people to see what’s actually going on – the despair, the sense of hopelessness, the burden of aloneness and the abject fear –; all these are hidden from the world.
But it was the “lining” in our lives - the spiritual hole in our being - that eventually brought us to our knees: it was an inside job.
Recovery also, therefore, has to be an inside job. Gradually, as we begin to repair the “lining” using spiritual tools such as - self examination, acknowledgment of faults, and restitution of wrongs done and, above all, constant work with others – we find that the exterior of the coat (our world) is also restored to pristine condition.
Freedom is letting people know who I am.
The greatest threat
It’s not terrorism or the terrorist threat that threatens to undermine the fabric of our society, today - it is addiction in its many vile, insidious and soul-destroying facets. Rooted in negativity, it tells us we’re not worthy; don’t deserve success, that we’re no good. And that sends us off on a wild goose chase to find something, some substance, person or activity that will help us ‘change our perception of reality’ - which has become too painful for us to endure. From that day onwards, we stop living, our emotional growth is arrested, and we inadvertently turn our backs on the Source of our being. We exist in a Hell of our own making. Addiction: that’s the greatest threat to our society today.
We all need to ask ourselves, “What is alcohol (or drugs – prescribed or illicit – or any other dependency, such as eating disorders, love and sex addiction, gambling and self-harm, etc) doing for us that we can’t do for ourselves?”
The answer to that question informs the kind of interventions and treatment we need to utilize in order to enable us to do all those things for ourselves.
See? We’re back with having to confront the burden of being human. There’s no getting away from it – we have to be brave in order to recover from addiction.
Are you going to be brave today? Or are you going to continue to run away from yourself, from responsibility, from life?
You have the choice.
We all need to ask ourselves, “What is alcohol (or drugs – prescribed or illicit – or any other dependency, such as eating disorders, love and sex addiction, gambling and self-harm, etc) doing for us that we can’t do for ourselves?”
The answer to that question informs the kind of interventions and treatment we need to utilize in order to enable us to do all those things for ourselves.
See? We’re back with having to confront the burden of being human. There’s no getting away from it – we have to be brave in order to recover from addiction.
Are you going to be brave today? Or are you going to continue to run away from yourself, from responsibility, from life?
You have the choice.
Sunday, 21 June 2009
We are faced with a choice
At some stage in our lives we are faced with a choice – and it’s a choice than none of us can avoid. It’s the final stage of maturity, when we finally grow up to be what Destiny always intended us to be. This is what we are on earth for. Some crisis, illness or loss usually triggers it. And it’s the choice between the Personality (the material) and the Spiritual (becoming a whole person). The Spiritual always wins because it’s stronger than the Personality. However, unless we yield to the Spiritual we become broken people. There are many people walking around out there who are broken spiritually – with no joy in their lives; life is a chore to be endured as best they can: mundane, uninteresting and empty. A living Hell one might say.
Alcoholism made it easier for me to yield to the Spiritual. I had no other option, because to resist would have meant returning to the Hell that was my active alcoholic and drug addicted existence. Alcoholism in that respect was my friend. And it has continued to be my friend. Because all that I have today – and peace of mind is the most precious – I have directly and indirectly as a result of my illness. It brought me to my knees and showed me that I was heading in the wrong direction. It continues to show me the way. Indeed, it is the illness that keeps me getting well, because it forces me to confront the burden of being human and to keep treading the ‘narrow road’ as I travel towards that happy Destiny I mentioned earlier.
And what’s the choice we all have to make? Well, this is it – and the answer we give is crucial: any prospect of recovery from addiction depends on it.
“DO I WANT TO LIVE? OR DO I WANT TO DIE?”
Alcoholism made it easier for me to yield to the Spiritual. I had no other option, because to resist would have meant returning to the Hell that was my active alcoholic and drug addicted existence. Alcoholism in that respect was my friend. And it has continued to be my friend. Because all that I have today – and peace of mind is the most precious – I have directly and indirectly as a result of my illness. It brought me to my knees and showed me that I was heading in the wrong direction. It continues to show me the way. Indeed, it is the illness that keeps me getting well, because it forces me to confront the burden of being human and to keep treading the ‘narrow road’ as I travel towards that happy Destiny I mentioned earlier.
And what’s the choice we all have to make? Well, this is it – and the answer we give is crucial: any prospect of recovery from addiction depends on it.
“DO I WANT TO LIVE? OR DO I WANT TO DIE?”
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