The dangers of knee-jerk reactions

What gets into trouble is when we give a knee-jerk reaction to specific events, comments or behaviours.

It’s not what happens to us that gets us into trouble; it’s how we react to what’s happening to us. In our drinking days our reactions would be “black or white” – we’d go to that “catastrophe thinking” mode where the things that had happened to us would be the worst ever. Alternatively, we’d enter that sublime, exquisite mode where the things that had happened to us would be the best ever and we’d be in our 7th Heaven. Both reactions, of course, were unrealistic and, inevitably, got us into trouble – particularly the former when I would metaphorically (and sometimes physically) lash out without thinking to “punish” the perpetrator of whatever action that had upset or threatened me.

We have to learn to avoid knee-jerk reactions. Instead, we need to learn to respond. And that means learning to be responsible for our actions, words and thoughts – leaning to look at the whole picture; trying not to personalise things; and realising that life, in the main, exists in the grey area – neither too white nor too black. The word compromise comes to mind. The secret of a long and happy marriage I’ve found!

So, we need to engage the brain before opening our mouths. That gives us precious seconds during which time we can choose how to react. Do I hit out, hurt others and have to suffer the inevitable uncomfortable fall-out, sometimes for weeks on end? Or, do I bite the bullet, think things through, and then respond in a calm and measured way? The latter doesn’t preclude us from dealing honestly with hurt feelings incidentally. But it does preclude us from dealing inappropriately with hurt feelings.

Today, am I going to react with a knee-jerk reaction? Or will I be good to myself and others and respond in a mature fashion? It’s my choice. And we must remember that: we do have a choice.