The Willingness to say Sorry.....

Continuing on my journey into recovery I arrived at Step 9 of the 12Steps.

In Step 8 I had made a list of all the people I had hurt and now I was willing to go to them - where this was possible - and say sorry.

I met with my sponsor to seek guidance on the best way to approach making my amends. It was important that I listened to her suggestion. She knew who I had hurt and in what context - through receiving my Step 5. Drawing also from her own experience - she was able to give wise suggestion as to how I might approach each person concerned.

I needed to be sure that the approach would not cause further hurt. I needed to consider the time and the place. I needed to take into account the suggestion of Step 9 that the apology be in the presence of the person where ever possible.

I was reminded that I needed to be cautious - this is where the suggestion of my sponsor was so valuable. Together we decided on whom I could approach right away and on whom it would be better to approach at a later date.

I never would have thought it possible that I would be willing to apologise to the people I had hurt because up until I was willing to look at the part I played in the situation - I had always blamed them! Each step brings a little more humility!

I found the willingness through allowing the power of love into my life in Step 3. I found the willingness because I had felt the power of that love in Step 4 and 5 - I had been forgiven and received love.

Through this I became willing to reach out in a loving way to those I had hurt and say sorry. Again, willingness is the key - if the willingness is there - even if we cannot make amends right away - the promises of Step 9 will be fulfilled. I cannot put into words the transformation this process has made to myself, to my relationships and to my life - it is impossible! The promises -as outlined in the book of Alcoholics Anonymous - have come true for me - I have been given a new life - a life I never dreamed possible.

The Promises

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

Saying sorry was just the beginning of the process of establishing trust between those I had hurt - mainly my family who were so wonderfully forgiving and loving towards me. The process is one of healing for all concerned - and that takes time. It is a process that cannot be hurried. It is a process that continues - one day at a time. It is a process that moves me to tears of gratitude so easily. Thank you God for everything you have done for me and for everything you continue to do.

I now had to look at how I was going to grow in this new life - I had reached Step 10.