We ain't never gonna be able to hide it from the world

An interesting phenomenon of alcoholism is that, try as he may, the alcoholic cannot successfully hide his addiction from the world.

Over time his behaviour belies his true condition. It becomes impossible to keep it under wraps, and his sorry state eventually becomes public knowledge.

Alarmingly, many try to hide their recoveries from the world as well. They misinterpret the concept of anonymity and embark on a mission to hide their good fortune from the world. (Some, I’ve heard, even try to hide it from their own family members!)

Instead of “shouting it from the rooftops” as the Big Book suggests, recovery for too many, alas, can become another dirty little secret.

With this attitude it becomes nigh impossible to put a positive face and a voice to recovery - to counter the stigma and discrimination that still exists in society towards people with mental health and substance misuse issues.

Ask yourself: Is my recovery becoming another dirty little secret?


'Dinas a osodir ar fryn, ni ellir ei chuddio. Ac ni oleuant gannwyll a'i dodi dan lestr....'

Neges i wraig/ ŵr neu gymar a phlant yr alcoholig neu’r un sy’n gaeth

Mae’r Alcoholig yn aflonyddu am gael y ddiod nesaf ac fel arfer mae ei gymar yn aflonyddu am ei atal rhag cael y ddiod nesaf. Felly, mae’r ddau’n aflonyddu am alcohol - a’r plant druain (os oes rhai) yn ffwndro ac yn ceisio gwneud ‘addasiadau peryglus ac afiach’ i geisio ymdopi gyda phresenoldeb alcohol yn eu bywydau - sydd yn naturiol yn creu ei lefelau ei hunan o straen a phoen.

Yn rhy aml, clywais am alcoholigion yn mynd i ffwrdd i gael triniaeth breswyl ymhell i ffwrdd ac yn dychwelyd at eu teuluoedd - dim ond i syrthio’n ôl yn fuan wedyn. Mae hyn oherwydd bod gan deuluoedd gyflwr y maen nhw’n dychwelyd iddo pan fydd digwyddiadau’n eu bwrw oddi ar eu hechel, a elwir yn ‘homoeostasis’. Ystyr hwn yw bod eu systemau wedi datblygu dros nifer o flynyddoedd i “gefnogi” (yn anfwriadol) yr alcoholig sy’n dal i yfed ac nid yr alcoholig sy’n gwella.

Dychmygwch degan symudol uwch ben crud plentyn- tynnwch un rhan ohono (yr alcoholig) ac mae’r system i gyd yn syrthio. Mae aelodau eraill y teulu wedi tueddu i ddefnyddio’r alcoholig fel bwch dihangol, gan ganiatáu iddo/ iddi gael ei gyhuddo/ chyhuddo am holl broblemau’r teulu. Nid yw’r aelodau eraill hyn wedi arfer gofalu am na delio â’u problemau eu hunain. Nid yw hyn yn syndod. Felly, pan fydd y rhan honno (yr alcoholig) yn dychwelyd i wneud y tegan symudol yn gyfan eto - mae’n mynd yn ôl i’w hen ffurf. Gwallgo’ neu beth? Ond, mae’r teulu (yn anfwriadol) - heblaw bod aelodau unigol y teulu hwnnw’n newid - yn gwneud i’r alcoholig feddwi eto.

Yn Stafell Fyw, Caerdydd, felly, anogwn deuluoedd (holl aelodau’r teulu) i edrych ar y ‘broblem’ yn wahanol - nid yn ynysig, ond fel rhan o’r cyflawn, ac i helpu i symud y cyfrifoldeb am y newid oddi wrth yr un unigolyn (fel arfer y person sy’n ddibynnol ar alcohol a/ neu gyffuriau) at bawb yn y system neu’r teulu.

Cysylltwch â ni i gael mwy o wybodaeth am Grwpiau Teulu. gwybodaeth@cyngorcymru.org.uk neu www.thelivingroom-cardiff.com neu ffoniwch 029 2049 3895

A message for the wife/husband or partner of the alcoholic or addict

The Alcoholic obsesses about having the next drink, and his partner usually obsesses about stopping him having that next drink. Both therefore are obsessing about alcohol – and the poor children (if there are any) are floundering and trying to make ‘precarious and unhealthy adjustments’ to try and cope with the presence of alcohol in their lives – which naturally creates its own levels of stress and pain.

Too often I’ve heard of alcoholics accessing residential treatment far away and returning to their families – only to relapse soon afterwards, because families usually have a state to which they return if events knock them off balance, which is known as ‘homoeostasis’ – their system has been developed over many years to unwittingly “support” the still-drinking alcoholic and not the recovering alcoholic.

Imagine a mobile above a child’s cot – remove one part of it (the alcoholic) and the whole system collapses. The other family members, you see, have tended to use the alcoholic as a scapegoat, letting him/or her carry the can for all the family’s ills. These other members, not surprisingly, are just not used to looking at or dealing with their own issues. Therefore, when that part (the alcoholic) is duly returned to make the mobile whole again – it reverts to its old shape. Crazy isn’t it? But the family, unwittingly – unless the individual members of that family system change – will get the alcoholic drunk again.

At Living Room Cardiff, therefore, we encourage families (all family members) to view the ‘problem’ differently – not in isolation, but as part of the whole; and to help shift responsibility for change from the one individual (usually the alcohol and/or drug dependent person) to all involved in that system or family.

Contact us at Living Room Cardiff for further information regarding Family Groups. info@welshcouncil.org.uk or www.thelivingroom-cardiff.com or phone 029 2049 3895

Went out for a lovely meal last night with some Living Roomers. We had a great time. This was followed by a Welsh language meeting at our wonderful centre in Richmond Road.

Lighten up and give yourself a break

Laughter is the best medicine.

Taking myself too serious1y can get me into trouble. I have to loosen up; lighten up; and have a laugh at myself. When I don’t – nothing seems to go right somehow; no one else does what I want them to do; and things tend to not work out for me either.

I can’t really put my finger on what’s wrong. It’s just that I don’t feel a 100 percent; that I’m not firing on all cylinders. It’s as if a dark cloud has suddenly appeared in the otherwise blue sky of my recovery.

This is when I need other recovering alcoholics and addicts the most. They can see in me things I can’t see for myself – that maybe I’m taking life a little too seriously.
“I’m sure God’s having a right old laugh looking at you now” they say. “If you could only see your behaviour through His eyes, you’d collapse laughing as well!”

So, let’s all of us stand back today and put things in perspective by having a laugh at ourselves, our struggles, our stubbornness, our defiance, and our desires. I’ll promise you one thing: you’ll feel much, much better if you do. Laughter, after all, IS the best medicine.

Try taking a good dose or two of it today.

You can read more blogs by visiting www.welshcouncil.org.uk or on Twitter. No Room To Live.

Y ffin denau rhwng llawenydd a thristwch yn thema ganolig yng Ngweddi'r Nadolig

Wrth i bwysau gynyddu ar economïau’r byd mae’n hawdd iawn anghofio effaith byd-eang y polisïau macro ar fywydau pob dyn a dynes ar y stryd. Mae Gweddi Nadolig flynyddol Cyngor Cymru ar Alcohol a Chyffuriau Eraill yn tynnu sylw at yr angen i weddïo dros y rheini sy’n ei chael hi’n anodd dod a dau ben llinyn ynghyd mewn amser o ansicrwydd cymdeithasol ac ariannol, ac sy’n cael eu temtio i droi at gyffuriau neu alcohol am gysur.

Mae’r weddi, sydd wedi ei ysgrifennu gan y Parchedig Denzil John, hefyd yn crybwyll y ganolfan loches newydd, Stafell Fyw Caerdydd a’i rôl bwysig fel hafan gynnes a chroesawgar o’r byd tu allan o’r rhai sy’n camu trwy’r drysau.

Yn ôl Arolwg Iechyd Llywodraeth Cynulliad Cymru yn 2010, fe gyfaddefodd oddeutu 2 ym mhob 5 o oedolion eu bod wedi yfed mwy na’r cymeriant dyddiol a argymhellir o leiaf un diwrnod yn yr wythnos flaenorol, gan gynnwys tua chwarter o oedolion yn dweud ei bod wedi yfed dros ddwywaith y cymeriant a argymhellir. Nid cyd-ddigwyddiad felly yw’r ffaith fod y nifer o farwolaethau’n ymwneud ag alcohol wedi dyblu yng Nghymru yn y bymtheg mlynedd ddiwethaf.

Roedd 494 o farwolaethau’n ymwneud ag alcohol yn 2010, gyda chynnydd o 14 y cant mewn dynion ac 16.4 y cant mewn merched ers 2006 yn unig. Mewn ymchwil newydd gan Brifysgol John Moores, Lerpwl canfuwyd fod yr anghysondeb rhwng arolygon yn cyfrifo cymeriant a gwerthiant gwirioneddol alcohol yn 430 miliwn uned yr wythnos. Mae hyn yn gyfystyr â photel o win i bob oedolyn sy’n yfed ym Mhrydain yn mynd heb ei chyfrif.

Dywed Wynford Ellis Owen, Prif Weithredwr Stafell Fyw Caerdydd-Living Room Cardiff, “Bydd Nadolig 2011 yn arbennig o anodd i nifer o unigolion a theuluoedd hyd a lled Cymru, ac mae’r weddi eleni yn adlewyrchu popeth sy’n wynebu cymdeithas fodern.

“Mae ansicrwydd yn ein bywydau yn ein gwneud ni’n agored i straen, a tydi anwybyddu’r peth ddim am helpu. Mae’n rhaid i ni wynebu ein hofnau yn hytrach na gobeithio dod o hyd i’r ateb yng ngwaelod potel o win neu becyn o smôcs. Pan fo amseroedd yn anodd, mae hyn yn arbennig o wir. Wedi dweud hyn, mae’r weddi yn un llawn gobaith, ac mae Stafell Fyw Caerdydd yn ymateb positif i faterion anodd a thwfn iawn yng nghalon cymdeithas.”

DIWEDD
Am ragor o wybodaeth cysylltwch â Rhodri Ellis Owen, Cambrensis Cyf ar 029 20 257075 neu rhodri@cambrensis.uk.com.

TRIUMPHANT TIMES

What a year 2011 has been, one of those crossroad years that the world seems to reach every few decades or so, when amidst the gloom and worry, opportunities for freedom lie.

In the midst of financial crises, Syrian despots, collapsing currencies, corrupt journalists and persecuted victims of press intrusion is a flowering of courage, honesty, integrity and perseverance.

The current state of the world is strikingly similar to the drama of recovery from addiction, and the similarities are so close, that perhaps there are broad human truths that run through both narratives.

As a society we have been debased by the narcissistic culture we have adopted in the past few decades, and 2011 was the year Britain's chickens came home to roost. We learned the real cost of endless spending and indulging. We learned the real cost to human beings of our gawping and prurient celebrity culture. We learned the real cost of marginalising our young people, and felt their anger boil over in the streets.

There will be many tired, ill, lonely and despairing people this Christmas who will be counting the real cost of 'good times' gone terribly wrong, people who are waking up to the realities of their addictions, just as society has started to wake up to its problems too.

For them, the sense of prevailing gloom and fear will be greatly amplified, and for a moment, for every addict who has reached the end of their ability to cope with their illness, a terrible moment of fear and powerlessness will envelop them.

In the midst of this, however, there is hope. The addict has a chance of a fresh start, the realisation that previous behaviours do not work any more, that old ways that seemed like solutions have only led to crisis, can give the addict a much yearned for doorway to freedom.

Sometimes it takes a disaster, the loss of a job or a relationship, to wake the suffering individual up to the truth of their situation and give them a new direction.

As with the addict, we have all had the truths of our societal addictions revealed to us, we have been shown the toxic nature of a society based on egotism and self obsession, and we too have an opportunity to get well.

The heartening fact is that many of us are taking that opportunity; banks, media barons and dictators the world over are being challenged and in many cases overthrown.

We must not only take heart in the knowledge that in the most difficult times that the world is in many ways actually getting better, but also that in every generation people seem to be becoming more caring and thoughtful, not less.

We must transfer our sense of optimism, of hope and of new beginnings to addicts and sufferers everywhere, and demonstrate to them that they can fight their own struggles for freedom, independence and sanity, and by just staying in the fight, day after day, they will inevitably triumph.