Last time I wrote about my recovery journey I said that the daily practice of prayer - asking for guidance for my life and the power to use that guidance - has given me an inner strength. This is step 11 of the 12Step programme. Together with keeping a watch on my behaviour and having the desire to put things right immediately - step 10 - I am able to accept life on a daily basis no matter what it brings.
I am able to stay emotionally balanced which is essential for growing in recovery. I need to be able to control my emotions otherwise they will control me - it is the daily practice of prayer and meditation which helps me to do this.
The other essential part of this daily practice is GRATITUDE! - being grateful for everything I have. I need to be truly grateful every day. The practice of gratitude can transform a negative situation immediately. Making a mental list of everything to be grateful for or even better, writing out a list of everything to be grateful for, can TRANSFORM a situation. It puts things in perspective and calms the emotions. Personally I have never known it to fail. So prayer plus gratitude allows acceptance of whatever life brings which keeps the emotions balanced - essential for recovery.
This daily practice is what I suggest as being ESSENTIAL for growing in recovery and enjoying the wonderful new life which replaces the nightmare of addiction. For me it is an absolute must and I would not dream of going one day without it - why would I when I know the benefits it brings - inner peace, joy and happiness.
I mentioned meditation - for me it is simply a time of silence. I make time to simply sit for a short time every day in silence placing myself in the presence of the loving power of God. This is the listening part of the prayer conversation - allowing God to speak to my heart. I make time for developing my relationship with God. The time of silence allows me to reflect and become aware of myself and my relationship with others. I need this time to detach from the activity of life and just 'be'. This is the suggestion of step 11.
There have been many times in my recovery when I have been presented with very difficult emotional situations which would in the past certainly have resulted in me relieving the pain through alcohol - now when I am in great emotional pain I turn for consolation and strength to the loving power of God instead.
Probably the most difficult situation I have coped with to date in recovery was the sudden death of my youngest sister. We were very close and we often used to meet during her lunch break. We met on the Tuesday and enjoyed being together - she was full of fun and we talked about a wedding she was going to the following week. Little did I know that when I said good bye to her that day that it would be the last good bye. She died in her sleep that night.
I had been given the opportunity to make amends to her - to say sorry for all the awful times that I had behaved badly towards her - and she had forgiven me totally. Please, if you are reading this and there is someone you need to forgive or reconcile with, I urge you to do it today - right now - because tomorrow may be too late.
I went to see my sister in the chapel of rest. I told her how much I loved her and how I would miss her and was truly made aware of how short life is and of how we should try to be kind to each other. It brought home to me the futility of being angry, resentful, of holding on to grudges.
As I checked my phone for messages a short time after my sister's death, I came to the message she had sent me that Tuesday evening - it ended with the words 'I love you'. I love you to my darling sister and I miss you so much.
Love and prayers, Rosie
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