I burst into tears like a two-year old

I felt under pressure on this one particular day; I had to take part in a very important television interview later in the afternoon and the demands on my time from others who expected immediate attention was becoming unreasonable (but not unbearable). I felt heaviness around my eyes and temple, the kind of heaviness one experiences when you want to cry. And yet I had no reason to want to cry. On the contrary, I’d never felt so much happiness and contentment in my life as I’d been experiencing lately. Was it, perhaps, I wondered, because I had forgotten the importance of leaving a margin on the page of my busy life? Had I been forgetting to give myself some “me” time?

I entered my office and wondered why I felt stressed. For some reason, I was drawn to my bookshelf and to a recent purchase I’d made when the Logos Hope Ship had visited Cardiff - The Life Recovery Bible. A few years ago I was given The Life Recovery Bible as a gift by a friend of mine. Alas, at the time I was still very much a “people pleaser” and had given it to my local church minister, telling him that I felt sure he’d find more use for it than me. I’d always regretted doing than. And when the minister died recently I asked his widow whether the Recovery Bible was still in his library. After a thorough search she informed me it was not.

A few weeks later, however, I visited, with my granddaughters, the Logos Hope Ship in Cardiff dock – a floating source of knowledge, help and hope - and there, in one corner, was a copy of The Life Recovery Bible. I immediately purchased it; and have treasured this purchase ever since.

In my office that morning, I reached for The Life Recovery Bible and flicked through its 1728 pages. For some reason, my finger settled on Numbers 23: verses 18 to 24 (page 204). And I read aloud the following:

‘This was the message Balaam delivered:

“Rise up, Balak, and listen!
Hear me, son of Zippor.
God is not a man, so he does not lie.
He is not human, so he does not change his mind.
Has he ever spoken and failed to act?
Has he ever promised and not carried it through?
Listen, I received a command to bless;
God has blessed, and I cannot reverse it!
No misfortune is in his plan for Jacob;
No trouble is in store for Israel.
For the Lord their God is with them;
He has been proclaimed their king.
God brought them out of Egypt;
For them he is as strong as a wild ox.
No curse can touch Jacob;
No magic has any power against Israel.
For now it will be said of Jacob,
‘What wonders God has done for Israel!’


But well before I’d finished reading the verses, I had burst into tears like a two-year old – tears that led to a deep, deep sobbing. And I found myself mumbling through my tears, “Forgive me Lord; forgive me for not trusting you enough.”

Immediately I was filled with a profound feeling of wellbeing. I knew that everything would be alright. And I knew deep within my soul that I was capable, with God’s help, of confronting the burden of being human. I knew, if God was for me - who possibly could be against me?’

The rest of the day went as it was meant to go – perfectly.

To date, God has never let me down. After that experience in my office that morning, I know he never will.

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Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.