Gastric Band - the journey to recovery from an Eating Disorder

One of Living Room Cardiff’s attendees is embarking on a programme of recovery from an eating disorder. Follow her progress here: Gastric Band On the 30th of October 2009 I was banded, not branded, banded, (although they may as well have been the same things) I was gastric banded. On the 11th of September 2014 I am going to be un-banded, the fluid is going to be removed from my gastric band which means I will be able to enter into recovery from my lifelong eating disorder. When it was suggested that I had an eating disorder I was skeptical, after years of being told that I was greedy lazy and gluttonous and had no will-power, you learn to believe it. Even better those kind souls who suggest that the solution was simple “eat less and do some exercise” Duhhh if it were that simple there would be no fat people! The other reason was that I was scared about the words “eating disorder” I thought if I had a “disorder” there was nothing that I could do about it and I would be destined to a life of eating my body weight in chocolate compulsion and shame. No person is overweight because they want to be that way; if any person was given the choice between being fat or thin our society today what would they choose? “I’ll be fat please” I think not, I know not. Being overweight makes you feel: hopeless, shameful, embarrassed, humiliated, trapped, useless, self-loathing, weak-willed, helpless, unlovable, disgusting, unattractive, lazy, gluttonous, out of control and enslaved. And the more you feel these emotions and feelings the more trapped you become. It is like being inside a hamster’s wheel. I eat for so many different reasons, I eat when I’m happy in celebration as a reward as a treat. I eat when I’m sad to comfort me. I eat when I’m bored for something to do. I eat out of habit and poor eating habits. I eat when I’m scared or anxious to distract me. I eat when I’m angry to calm me down. I eat when I can get away with it in secret. I eat because I am hungry; I eat when I am full. I eat to restrict myself when on a diet. I eat to please others or to be polite. I eat because I feel that urge that need and compulsion to do so even though I know I am harming myself and others. I have never eaten for nutrition or to fuel my body. I can recover from this condition as it is an addiction, and I can recover from this need to compulsively eat one day as a time as I have recovered from my other addictions I believe and I think I am proof that bands and weight loss surgery are not the answer to obesity, chronic overeating, binge eating, or constant graze eating in our society. They are yet another way of making money out of highly vulnerable suggestive and desperate people. Who would willingly ask to have a band placed round their stomach to reduce food intake or have half their stomach taken away? Who would volunteer to eat portions the size of a thimble or pureed baby food? Who would offer to regurgitate their food or be in agony when food becomes “stuck”? Who would offer to be dependent on vitamins and supplements forever? People who feel helpless as they cannot stop eating, that’s who. And what happens after these procedures? Initially it is the answer to all your prayers, the weight falls off, you feel good, positive for the first time in ages, you buy new clothes, you are complimented, you become more active and your confidence increases. Exactly the same pattern as dieting. This as we know is not sustainable. What they don’t mention is the illness creeping back in, steadily over time, slowly at first - then bang it’s got you. Food that is healthy and good for you will often not go past the band leading to regurgitation, frustration, hunger and grabbing the slip foods. They tell you about slip foods. The foods that slip past the band - chocolate, cake, biscuits, crisps all the foods that over eaters crave. They tell you not to eat them. What can you eat then? Dust? You ask for the band to be tightened to combat this but it only makes the problem worse as your list of restrictive food lengthens. Eating becomes an endurance test unless you are eating slip foods. Meal times become an embarrassment, eating out or being invited out to eat, a dread not a pleasure. There are times of day (morning where you cannot eat anything of substance at all) you cannot take your tablets in the morning as they become lodged. The band is affected by your menstrual cycle and is always tighter when you are having a period. My eating habits now are far far worse than they were five years ago and for one reason. The reason was that I was in the grip of an addictive illness and no band or surgery was going to address that. The answer to the problem lies in recovery and a journey into myself. The way out is ‘in’ as I’ve been told. I must learn to love and accept myself for who and what I am. I am looking forward to the morning. This horrible cycle will be coming to an end and the real solution can begin. Julie.