We ain't never gonna be able to hide it from the world

An interesting phenomenon of alcoholism is that, try as he may, the alcoholic cannot successfully hide his addiction from the world.

Over time his behaviour belies his true condition. It becomes impossible to keep it under wraps, and his sorry state eventually becomes public knowledge.

Alarmingly, many try to hide their recoveries from the world as well. They misinterpret the concept of anonymity and embark on a mission to hide their good fortune from the world. (Some, I’ve heard, even try to hide it from their own family members!)

Instead of “shouting it from the rooftops” as the Big Book suggests, recovery for too many, alas, can become another dirty little secret.

With this attitude it becomes nigh impossible to put a positive face and a voice to recovery - to counter the stigma and discrimination that still exists in society towards people with mental health and substance misuse issues.

Ask yourself: Is my recovery becoming another dirty little secret?


'Dinas a osodir ar fryn, ni ellir ei chuddio. Ac ni oleuant gannwyll a'i dodi dan lestr....'

A message for the wife/husband or partner of the alcoholic or addict

The Alcoholic obsesses about having the next drink, and his partner usually obsesses about stopping him having that next drink. Both therefore are obsessing about alcohol – and the poor children (if there are any) are floundering and trying to make ‘precarious and unhealthy adjustments’ to try and cope with the presence of alcohol in their lives – which naturally creates its own levels of stress and pain.

Too often I’ve heard of alcoholics accessing residential treatment far away and returning to their families – only to relapse soon afterwards, because families usually have a state to which they return if events knock them off balance, which is known as ‘homoeostasis’ – their system has been developed over many years to unwittingly “support” the still-drinking alcoholic and not the recovering alcoholic.

Imagine a mobile above a child’s cot – remove one part of it (the alcoholic) and the whole system collapses. The other family members, you see, have tended to use the alcoholic as a scapegoat, letting him/or her carry the can for all the family’s ills. These other members, not surprisingly, are just not used to looking at or dealing with their own issues. Therefore, when that part (the alcoholic) is duly returned to make the mobile whole again – it reverts to its old shape. Crazy isn’t it? But the family, unwittingly – unless the individual members of that family system change – will get the alcoholic drunk again.

At Living Room Cardiff, therefore, we encourage families (all family members) to view the ‘problem’ differently – not in isolation, but as part of the whole; and to help shift responsibility for change from the one individual (usually the alcohol and/or drug dependent person) to all involved in that system or family.

Contact us at Living Room Cardiff for further information regarding Family Groups. info@welshcouncil.org.uk or www.thelivingroom-cardiff.com or phone 029 2049 3895

Went out for a lovely meal last night with some Living Roomers. We had a great time. This was followed by a Welsh language meeting at our wonderful centre in Richmond Road.

TRIUMPHANT TIMES

What a year 2011 has been, one of those crossroad years that the world seems to reach every few decades or so, when amidst the gloom and worry, opportunities for freedom lie.

In the midst of financial crises, Syrian despots, collapsing currencies, corrupt journalists and persecuted victims of press intrusion is a flowering of courage, honesty, integrity and perseverance.

The current state of the world is strikingly similar to the drama of recovery from addiction, and the similarities are so close, that perhaps there are broad human truths that run through both narratives.

As a society we have been debased by the narcissistic culture we have adopted in the past few decades, and 2011 was the year Britain's chickens came home to roost. We learned the real cost of endless spending and indulging. We learned the real cost to human beings of our gawping and prurient celebrity culture. We learned the real cost of marginalising our young people, and felt their anger boil over in the streets.

There will be many tired, ill, lonely and despairing people this Christmas who will be counting the real cost of 'good times' gone terribly wrong, people who are waking up to the realities of their addictions, just as society has started to wake up to its problems too.

For them, the sense of prevailing gloom and fear will be greatly amplified, and for a moment, for every addict who has reached the end of their ability to cope with their illness, a terrible moment of fear and powerlessness will envelop them.

In the midst of this, however, there is hope. The addict has a chance of a fresh start, the realisation that previous behaviours do not work any more, that old ways that seemed like solutions have only led to crisis, can give the addict a much yearned for doorway to freedom.

Sometimes it takes a disaster, the loss of a job or a relationship, to wake the suffering individual up to the truth of their situation and give them a new direction.

As with the addict, we have all had the truths of our societal addictions revealed to us, we have been shown the toxic nature of a society based on egotism and self obsession, and we too have an opportunity to get well.

The heartening fact is that many of us are taking that opportunity; banks, media barons and dictators the world over are being challenged and in many cases overthrown.

We must not only take heart in the knowledge that in the most difficult times that the world is in many ways actually getting better, but also that in every generation people seem to be becoming more caring and thoughtful, not less.

We must transfer our sense of optimism, of hope and of new beginnings to addicts and sufferers everywhere, and demonstrate to them that they can fight their own struggles for freedom, independence and sanity, and by just staying in the fight, day after day, they will inevitably triumph.

We've got to be prepared to loose everything

I don't think people realise how serious addiction is and that we have to be prepared to loose everything, absolutely everything, in order to recover. We don't necessarily HAVE to loose everything - but we've got to be PREPARED to do so.

Recovery has to becone THE PRIORITY in our lives. More important even than my children, my spouse, my career, my religion, my sport, my hobby, my finances....etc, etc. For if I loose my recovery I'm going to loose all those anyway. Today I'm going to committ to my recovery and do everything - absolutely everything - in order to achieve it, and to maintain it. And don't let PRIDE get in the way. Ask yourself "How important is it?" If it ain't life threatening, don't bother about it.

Rhoi'ch adferiad yn gyntaf, uwch POPETH yw'r nod er mwyn gwella o ddibyniaeth. Rhaid bod yn barod i golli POPETH er mwyn ei ddiogelu. Popeth.

Bike Ride in support of Stafell Fyw Caerdydd/Living Room Cardiff

There's a bike ride from North Wales to Cardiff on 20th - 23rd October to support Stafell Fyw Caerdydd/Living Room Cardiff, the new recovery centre at 58 Richmind Road. Why not join us? Call for more info: 02920 493895

If you wish to donate (a Just Giving page should be up and running soon) please make cheques payable to Living Room, Cardiff .

Registration date has now been extended to: 6th October :)