ANGIE BOWIE'S TEARS

Angie Bowie's Tears When it was announced this week that the rock legend David Bowie had sadly died, one of the few people not to hear immediately was his former wife Angie. She was taking part in Celebrity Big Brother and was informed by the show’s producers who decided to film her reaction. Unbeknownst to her, this moment of sadness and grief was shown to the public without her consent in a bid to offer bored watchers a moment of titillation. Following the 9/11 attacks, the writer and activist Arundhati Roy described grief as the most intimate and private of experiences and the exploitation of the grief of others was one of the most brutal and violating things a state could do. At the time she was referring to the manipulation of the grief a nation felt after the destruction of the twin towers in order to make a case for the Iraq war, but the sentiment is also applicable to the treatment of Angie Bowie. To take the most private and intimate of moments and to transform it into entertainment takes a particular mentality, one that is shaped by prevailing ideas within our society. Apologists for the reality TV format might state that a contestant on a reality TV show deserves everything they get, but this is to suggest that there are no higher moral imperatives in our society than those of the transaction and the contract. ‘She was quick enough to take their money’ is the immediate counter argument that springs to mind, but that commits us all to the idea that once someone has been paid for something or once someone becomes famous it is morally acceptable to mete out any form of degradation or punishment. It becomes ok to suggest that in our society based on transactions and acquisition of the material, that they have been bought wholesale and have no further proprietorial rights over their appearance or treatment in the public eye. We also come to the conclusion that all things can be purchased, even someone’s private moment of grief and society can sneer at the folly of the individual for signing on the dotted line in the first place. When we come to believe that all things are saleable, can be turned into commodities and the only thing that limits new business opportunities is the scope of human imagination, we also become so fully enslaved by the ideology of free market capitalism that all other human considerations become blotted out by its shadow and we drift into a world that is by turns absurd and cruel. As with all ideologies that become monolithic such as communism or nationalism, a belief system that puts the pursuit of material gain above all things, that enshrines it as the supreme and sole truth will eventually devour itself but cause untold damage in the mean time. In the field of addiction treatment that we at the Living Room Cardiff work in, the chaos wrought by our prevailing myths and narratives is clear to see. Addicts dependent on drinking, drugs, sex and gambling have fallen prey to their addictions often because they are the only way of coping with the demands placed on them by a society obsessed with competition and a very narrow definition of the idea of success. Schools, parents, politicians and broadcasters help to shape a worldview for children that defines success and worth in monetary and competitive terms. When this unfulfilling and spiritually un-nurturing version of life is imposed on children they frequently seek forms of escape from it, including the annihilation of addiction and the flight from being authentic (authenticity being a trait that is frequently punished). This narrowly defined world view produces the types of people that can sell and market moments of grief because they represent ‘good business’ and it also produces people who become dependent on drugs and other damaging behaviours because they crave a world where they can be authentic and instead are presented one where superficiality, two dimensional living and an absurd approach to material possessions prevails.

BRITAIN AND DRINKING

BRITAIN AND DRINKING In 2015 there was a seemingly endless series of mass shootings in the USA, each more horrifying than the rest. Onlookers in Britain shook their heads in disbelief as each atrocity was reported. Before the smell of cordite had left the air, the US gun lobby defended the easy availability of assault weapons and high paid lobbyists earned their keep placing the blame elsewhere. In Britain, we felt with some sense of justification, we are safe to walk down the streets without being at risk of gun violence. However, much of the British public exists in a fantasy world of its own, created for it by lobbyists, corporate media outlets and corrupted newspaper columnists who will trot out any fraud if the money is right. At the heart of that fantasy is the nation’s love affair with alcohol, a romance that has striking similarities with America’s love affair with guns. Behind both the American firearms industry and Britain’s drinks industry are powerful vested interests that lobby their respective elected officials, ensuring that the interests of business are served over the interests of the public. A recent study carried out by Professor Nick Sheron of Southampton University, co-founder of the Alcohol Health Alliance has revealed that nearly two thirds of the profits of the UK alcohol industry come from drinks sales to problem and dependent drinkers. The story that the drinks lobby likes to trot out at such times is that drinking is about choice, responsibility and enabling adults to decide for themselves what is good for them. The majority of alcohol, however, is sold to people who have no choice, for whom addiction and dependency are daily realities. The Guardian newspaper calculated that this figure amounted to £23.7 billion pounds annually, but that costs the NHS £3.5 billion a year treating everything from liver disease to the consequences of alcohol-fueled violence. As the drinks industry does not contribute a penny towards the massive social harm it does and pays nothing to the NHS, this £3.5 billion could easily be seen as a public subsidy. Each year there are a million hospital admissions from alcohol, an increase of 100 percent in a decade and the number of alcohol related violent offences in 2015 was estimated by the Office of National Statistics as 704,000. In Britain, just as in America, those who can shout the loudest scramble to head off any criticism of their corporate friends. For example when the Chief Medical Officer recently announced that there was no safe level of drinking and the health benefits of red wine were largely a myth, Nigel Farage demanded some kind of mass public protest against the ‘nanny state’. His brand of beer and cigs populism is irresponsible - at best, it encourages drinkers to ignore the scientific research that shows the real risks of even moderate drinking. He frames the discussion as one of individual liberty and a struggle against faceless bureaucracy. However, this posturing is largely immaterial compared to the beliefs and fantasies of an entire nation. Even though the research carried out by Professor Sheron and the announcements made by the Chief Medical Officer are based on solid peer reviewed research, the stories we as a nation choose to tell about alcohol are far more compelling. In our national love affair with alcohol, drinking and being drunk have gradually been elevated to some kind of right, a freedom that no one can take away. Its harm is ignored, denied or rationalised away and those that succumb to addiction are marginalised. It is the alcoholics, however, that offer the rest of the nation an uncomfortable glimpse of the truth and ensure that no matter what we must continue with a national charade. In America, President Obama has decided finally to use executive action to push through gun control legislation, but in Britain our political class, in full possession of the facts, have decided that it’s business as usual.

Being true to nature.

Being true to nature What have addiction and free market capitalism got in common? They are both symptoms of a spectacular failure of imagination. Jean Paul Sartre argued that the traditional religious view of the origins of mankind, that a creator god had the idea of man and then created the human race, should be inverted. Sartre, an atheist, argued that in the absence of a god man existed physically first and then had to invent himself. What Sartre, the great existentialist meant was that human beings only really became fully human when they decided who they were and what purpose they would exist in the world to fulfil. Similarly, the psychoanalyst Erich Fromm stated that: “Man is the only animal for whom his own existence is a problem which he has to solve.” The pressure of this need to find purpose, meaning and identity in part explains the emotional appeal of alcohol, drugs and other addictions. The challenge of being authentic and finding a purpose in life, in straying away from a herd mentality that clings to values that are both absurd and damaging is overwhelming for a great many of us. Instead, the temptation to self-medicate and to use alcohol and drugs to resolve these pressing questions is overwhelming. A person who retreats into addiction retreats from the moral, existential and spiritual questions that life inevitably presents and returns to a childlike state where there is no responsibility or pressure to participate or assert one’s own values. At present, the world is buckling under the weight of the ultimate addiction, the addiction to a fantasy, a utopia. It is the utopia of the market, one which was a lot more convincing before 2008 and is now held together, Heath-Robinson style, by capitalism’s chief advocates, the main political parties of the western world. The advocates of free market capitalism, most of the mainstream media, initially frame any discussion by telling us the audience that ‘there is no other way’, and that societies based on competition are harsh but fair. Those who rise to the top through hard work and initiative deserve to be there and those that sink, well that’s their own fault. Private vices, consumerism and vast environmental degradation are all a price worth paying because they yield public goods, i.e. without enterprise with its creativity and destructiveness, there would be no one to pay taxes and keep the NHS going. The power of addiction over the addict can often be so strong that they will continue to consume their drug of choice long after the body is capable of recovering and the obsession that the drug user can control their behaviour will take them to an early death. The same is true with our addiction to capitalism, there is only so much the biosphere will withstand and the fantasy that the earth was created to exploit for the vast riches of a small few is a massively overpowering delusion that may well make the 21st Century humanity’s last. For addicts and the adherents of free market capitalism the imagination must be re-ignited. Not only is it essential that we individually and collectively strive to see that there are alternatives, that another world for all of us is possible and must be fought for, but the conscience of the individual addict and the conscience of the world must be engaged. Deep questions about our place in the world, our values, beliefs and responsibilities must be sought by addicts and the wider society instead of the vapid, meaningless bilge that consumerism consistently reinforces.

NEVER SURRENDER

NEVER SURRENDER “We shall not flag or fail, we shall go on to the end…we shall never surrender.” Perhaps the most stirring words ever spoken by an alcoholic. Winston Spencer Leonard Churchill was in his own words, born to greatness but he had every trait necessary for addiction. Emotionally abusive parents, the abandonment of being sent away to boarding school at an early age and the problems of a prodigious intelligence confined by critical teachers and house masters. He grew into an adult who was plagued both by terrible self-doubt and delusions of grandeur; historians look upon him as a controversial figure, a hero to some and villain to others, but alcoholics and addicts can learn an immense amount from his words. In many ways, the Living Room (which partly owes its existence to the Churchill Fellowship), encapsulates his rhetoric. It is often said in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and other recovery organisations that ‘one must surrender in order to win’, and this means that to beat one’s addiction the belief that it can be controlled and measured ‘sensible’ drinking can be achieved must be abandoned. This is a view that is supported at the Living Room, but there is also a powerful fighting spirit here too, accepting our powerlessness is an essential part of recovery, but simply giving in to active addiction, accepting it as an inevitability is not. In June 1940 a few weeks after Churchill came to power and the British Army had been rescued from Dunkirk, an anxious nation looked to Churchill. They were waiting for someone to step up as leader and give a clear picture about what Britain was going to do. The war was being lost and many feared a German invasion in the coming months and believed that Britain would need to surrender or negotiate. Churchill told the nation what the plan was in one clear speech: We fight. He explained that it would be a long fight, it would have a high cost in lives, money and destruction but it would, absolutely, without question, be won - no matter what. For many addicts, simply acting out unconscious patterns time after time, their leader, their Churchill is sat on the benches, unaware that it is time to step up to the dispatch box and inspire the world. When they finally awaken to the reality of their illness, the struggle ahead, their leader arrives to take charge. This awakening happens on the sofas of the Living Room time after time, addicts awaken and instead of seeing fear, chaos and defeat they embrace recovery and scent victory over the most invidious enemy they have ever known. The counsellors and staff at the Living Room know that they are really just the support staff in this great drama, helping the addict to find themselves, their courage, resolve and strength. We know something else as well: We are going to win. The road may be hard and the struggle with addiction is not localised to Cardiff, to Wales or to Britain, but it is a worldwide phenomenon ensnaring much of humanity, but the certainty that we are going to be successful is so powerful because: We are not alone. A great, silent recovery revolution is sweeping the world, from small communities to national governments. Old ideas about punishing addiction out of the addict are gradually being replaced by an ethos based on love, compassion, understanding and solidarity. In the past it has been tempting for professionals in the addiction field to place egos, careers and pride over the real principals of helping others. This has shut professionals away from one another and treated volunteers and lay people as well-meaning encumbrances. At the Living Room we have torn down the walls and fences and want to hear from anyone who can help in the struggle ahead. If you are ready to help take addiction on and are determined not to see others surrender to its power, we would like to welcome you to join us. Addiction thrives when we are isolated, atomised, alone. It has immense power when we have none, when we fail to summon the resolution of Churchill, or we fail to summon the leader within all of us who is waiting to lead. At the moment the Living Room has a range of exciting initiatives alongside our core services to help fight addiction: * The Reaching Out Project: Equipping lay people in their communities with the skills of recovery coaching to make a real impact in the lives of addicts. * Beat The Odds: Wales’ first programme to combat the crisis of gambling addiction. * Cynnal: A bilingual service for ministers of religion across Wales who are encountering problems with addiction and unmanageable feelings. * If you want to join us, whether you are a skilled professional, a person in recovery or a volunteer who can bring energy, enthusiasm and commitment, you can contact the Living Room on: Telephone: 029 2030 2101 Email: livingroom-cardiff@cais.org.uk

Peidiwch ag ildio

PEIDIWCH BYTH AG ILDIO “Ni fyddwn ni’n cilio na’n methu, byddwn ni’n parhau hyd y diwedd … ni fyddwn byth yn ildio.” Efallai’r geiriau mwyaf cynhyrfus a fynegwyd erioed gan alcoholig. Roedd Winston Spencer Leonard Churchill, yn ei eiriau ei hun, wedi’i eni i fawredd ond roedd ganddo bob nodwedd angenrheidiol i fod yn adict. Rhieni oedd yn ei gam-drin yn emosiynol, cael ei anfon i ffwrdd i ysgol breswyl yn ifanc iawn a phroblemau deallusrwydd aruthrol wedi’i gyfyngu gan athrawon beirniadol a meistri tai. Tyfodd i fod yn oedolyn oedd yn cael ei blagio gan hunan-amheuaeth ofnadwy a rhithdybiau mawredd; mae haneswyr yn edrych arno fel ffigwr dadleuol, arwr i rai a dihiryn i eraill, ond gall alcoholigion ac adictiaid ddysgu llawer iawn o’i eiriau. Mewn nifer o ffyrdd, mae’r Stafell Fyw (sy’n bodoli’n rhannol oherwydd y Churchill Fellowship), yn crynhoi ei rethreg. Dywedir yn aml yn ystafelloedd Alcoholigion Anhysbys a sefydliadau adfer eraill, bod yn rhaid i ‘un ildio er mwyn ennill’. Mae hyn yn golygu bod yn rhaid rhoi’r gorau i’r syniad y gellir rheoli’r ddibyniaeth a dychwelyd at yfed ‘synhwyrol’ rheoledig a mesuredig. Mae hon yn farn sy’n cael ei chefnogi gan y Stafell Fyw. Ond mae ysbryd brwydro pwerus hefyd yma. Mae hwn yn derbyn bod ein diffyg pŵer yn rhan hanfodol o adfer, ond nad yw rhoi mewn i ddibyniaeth actif, ei dderbyn fel rhywbeth anochel, yn rhan hanfodol o adfer. Ym mis Mehefin 1940 ychydig wythnosau ar ôl i Churchill ddod i rym a’r Fyddin Brydeinig wedi’i hachub o Dunkirk, roedd cenedl bryderus yn edrych ar Churchill am waredigaeth. Roedden nhw’n aros am rywun i gamu ymlaen fel arweinydd a rhoi darlun clir o’r hyn yr oedd Prydain yn mynd i’w wneud. Roedd y rhyfel yn cael ei golli a nifer yn ofni ymosodiad gan yr Almaen yn y misoedd nesaf ac yn credu y byddai’n rhaid i Brydain ildio neu drafod. Dywedodd Churchill wrth y genedl beth oedd y cynllun mewn un araith glir: Rydyn ni’n mynd i ymladd. Eglurodd y byddai’n frwydr hir, byddai’r gost mewn bywydau, arian a dinistr yn uchel, ond byddai, yn ddiamau, yn cael ei hennill - beth bynnag ddigwydd i nifer o adictiaid, sy’n cyflawni yr un patrymau niweidiol dro ar ôl tro, mae eu harweinydd, eu Churchill yn eistedd ar y meinciau, yn anymwybodol ei bod yn amser i gamu i’r darllenfwrdd ac ysbrydoli’r byd. Pan fyddan nhw, o’r diwedd, yn deffro i realaeth eu salwch, y frwydr o’u blaen, mae eu harweinydd yn cyrraedd i’w harwain. Mae’r deffro hwn yn digwydd ar soffas y Stafell Fyw dro ar ôl tro - mae adictiaid yn deffro ac yn lle gweld ofn, anhrefn a gorchfygiad, maen nhw’n derbyn adfer ac yn rhagweld buddugoliaeth dros y gelyn mwyaf annymunol a welsant erioed. Mae cwnselwyr a staff y Stafell Fyw’n gwybod mai staff cefnogi ydyn nhw yn y ddrama fawr hon, i helpu’r adict i ddarganfod ei hun, ei nerth a’i benderfyniad/phenderfyniad. Gwyddom rywbeth arall hefyd: Rydyn ni’n mynd i ennill. Gall y ffordd fod yn anodd ac nid yw’r frwydr gyda dibyniaeth yn benodol i Gaerdydd, i Gymru nac i Brydain ond mae’n broblem fyd-eang sy’n caethiwo llawer o bobl. Ond mae’r sicrwydd ein bod yn mynd i lwyddo mor bwerus oherwydd: Nid ydym ar ein pen ein hunain. Mae chwyldro adfer tawel, eang yn teithio o gwmpas y byd, o gymunedau bychain i lywodraethau cenedlaethol. Mae hen syniadau o wthio dibyniaeth allan o’r adict yn raddol yn cael eu hamnewid gan ethos o gariad, tosturi, dealltwriaeth a chydsafiad. Yn y gorffennol, bu’n demtasiwn i bobl broffesiynol yn y maes dibyniaeth roi hunain, gyrfaoedd a balchder dros wir egwyddorion helpu eraill. Mae hyn wedi cau pobl broffesiynol oddi wrth ei gilydd ac wedi trin gwirfoddolwyr a phobl leyg fel rhwystrau gyda bwriadau da. Yn y Stafell Fyw rydyn ni wedi tynnu’r waliau a’r ffensys i lawr ac rydym am glywed gan unrhyw un a all helpu yn y frwydr o’n blaen. Os ydych chi’n barod i helpu gyda dibyniaeth ac yn benderfynol o beidio â gweld eraill yn ildio i’w bŵer, byddem yn eich croesawu i ymuno â ni. Mae dibyniaeth yn ffynnu pan fyddwn ar ein pen ein hunain neu’n unig. Mae’n bwerus iawn pan na fyddwn ni’n gallu galw ar benderfyniad Churchill neu ein bod yn methu â galw ar yr arweinydd o’n mewn ni oll sy’n aros i arwain. Ar hyn o bryd, mae gan y Stafell Fyw amrywiaeth o fentrau cyffrous ochr yn ochr â’n gwasanaethau craidd i helpu i frwydro yn erbyn dibyniaeth: * Y Prosiect Estyn Allan: Mae’n rhoi sgiliau hyfforddi adfer i bobl leyg yn eu cymunedau i wneud effaith go iawn ar fywydau adictiaid. * Beat The Odds: rhaglen gyntaf Cymru i frwydro yn erbyn argyfwng dibyniaeth gamblo. * Cynnal: Gwasanaeth dwyieithog i weinidogion yr efengyl ar draws Cymru sy’n dod ar draws problemau dibyniaeth a theimladau na ellir eu rheoli. Os hoffech ymuno â ni, pa un a ydych yn weithiwr proffesiynol, yn berson mewn adferiad neu’n wirfoddolwr a all gynnig egni, brwdfrydedd ac ymrwymiad, gallwch gysylltu â’r Stafell Fyw ar: Ffôn: 029 2030 2101 E-bost: livingroom-cardiff@cais.org.uk

A letter (extract) from Albers Einstein to his daughter

A Letter (Extract) From Albert Einstein to his Daughter There is an extremely powerful force that, so far, science has not found a formal explanation to. It is a force that includes and governs all others, and is even behind any phenomenon operating in the universe and has not yet been identified by us. This universal force is LOVE. When scientists looked for a unified theory of the universe they forgot the most powerful unseen force. Love is Light, that enlightens those who give and receive it. Love is gravity, because it makes some people feel attracted to others. Love is power, because it multiplies the best we have, and allows humanity not to be extinguished in their blind selfishness. Love unfolds and reveals. For love we live and die. Love is God and God is Love. This force explains everything and gives meaning to life. This is the variable that we have ignored for too long, maybe because we are afraid of love because it is the only energy in the universe that man has not learned to drive at will. To give visibility to love, I made a simple substitution in my most famous equation. If instead of E = mc2, we accept that the energy to heal the world can be obtained through love multiplied by the speed of light squared, we arrive at the conclusion that love is the most powerful force there is, because it has no limits. After the failure of humanity in the use and control of the other forces of the universe that have turned against us, it is urgent that we nourish ourselves with another kind of energy… If we want our species to survive, if we are to find meaning in life, if we want to save the world and every sentient being that inhabits it, love is the one and only answer. Perhaps we are not yet ready to make a bomb of love, a device powerful enough to entirely destroy the hate, selfishness and greed that devastate the planet. However, each individual carries within them a small but powerful generator of love whose energy is waiting to be released. When we learn to give and receive this universal energy, dear Lieserl, we will have affirmed that love conquers all, is able to transcend everything and anything, because love is the quintessence of life. deeply regret not having been able to express what is in my heart, which has quietly beaten for you all my life. Maybe it’s too late to apologize, but as time is relative, I need to tell you that I love you and thanks to you I have reached the ultimate answer! “. Your father Albert Einstein

Why I have to engage the frontal lobe of my brain and challenge these negative thoughts

Blog 31st July Good bye July officially the rainiest month ever. Every morning I woke up it was raining. It’s been an interesting week. On Monday I went to Slimming World feeling good. I actually felt slimmer lighter and was sure I had lost a few pounds. Imagine my horror and disbelief as I bounded on to the scales with gay abandon only for them to .....................stay exactly the bloody same. “What” I said to the poor woman recording the weights “How can this be?” instantly suspicious. Her pitying face said it all; they clustered around me, “It happens sometimes” “I feel as though I’ve lost weight “I whelped “Look my clothes are looser” I said in despair, pulling on them like someone demented. “You’ve probably lost inches then” one of them tried helpfully. It was no good; negativity had descended like a mist. I stomped to my seat scowling and laughing at the same time. “I’ve maintained “ I said whispering my plight to another member burning with shame and feeling genuinely pissed off. Glass half empty. “Well it could have been worse you could have gained” he retorted back. “And you stayed for group.” I shot him a sideways evil stare, as he clutched his Slimmer of the week silver sticker. Then it was time for name and shame “Julie stayed the same this week, but all in all a weight loss of 11lbs” thunderous applause from the group. “What’s your aim for next week?” I knew I was being petulant and very childish when I said the immortal words “7 stone” but somehow I couldn’t help myself. I did get a laugh, but inside it wasn’t funny. I take these setback things far too much to heart, instead of accepting it and looking at ways to change it I stew on it and become defiant and angry. What’s the point? Its crap, it doesn’t work. (Clearly it does) Comparison with others then creeps in. What will they think of me? (Who Cares?) Negative thinking, stinking thinking, my disease slinking back in at the first hurdle. Self pity, I’m a failure, I’m useless, and it’s too hard. Ludicrous nonsense, thinking based on bashing low self-esteem and thinking that will make you eat again. Myths not facts. I have tried to impose positivity, shared it, seen the funny side of it and not gone off on a binge. I have to accept it and plod on. I trust that sometimes quickly sometimes slowly eventually I will develop a pattern of eating that is not self destructive and does not damage me. Julie