Disease versus Disgrace

In America alcoholism is regarded as a disease. In this country, however, it’s still regarded as a disgrace. So who perpetrates this shameful attitude? Is it the general public? Not a bit of it. They are fully aware that it takes courage and stick-to-itiveness to recover from alcoholism and extend an extraordinary amount of goodwill towards those who are prepared to confront their problems. Besides, they know full well from bitter experience, that there isn’t a family in this country that hasn’t in some way been affected by the misuse of alcohol and/or drugs

So who’s responsible? I’m afraid it’s some of the recovering alcoholics themselves. These are people who have misunderstood the concept of anonymity. Anonymity was never intended to protect the alcoholic. It was intended to protect the Fellowship from the alcoholic. Alas, many hide fearfully under the bushel of anonymity and their recoveries become invisible to the rest of the world. Sad that - when so many people out there need our help.

People in recovery can offer hope to a world whose peoples are becoming increasingly dependent on alcohol.

And the hope is this: that there is a way out of one of the most invidious illnesses known to mankind – one of the only illnesses that tells you there’s nothing wrong with you; that man is capable of confronting the ‘burden of being human’; is able to stay sober one day at a time, and is able to live a life beyond his wildest dreams.

Recovering alcoholics are living examples of this. We are indeed privileged people.

Please don’t invisibilize that privilege, that’s all I’m suggesting.

Nid rôl yr Urdd yw cynnal arbrawf er mwyn i rieni gael ymarfer dysgu eu plant sut i yfed yn gyfrifol.

Parthed erthygl Cris Dafis ‘Trafod alcohol yn gall a synhwyrol’ (Golwg Ebrill 8fed). Diolch am ei gyfraniad i’r drafodaeth. Rwy’n cytuno â phopeth mae’n ddweud ac yn cymeradwyo a chefnogi’r dystiolaeth mae’n dyfynnu ohoni - mae’r ymchwil yn ddibynadwy a safonol. Mae’n bwysig iawn fod rhieni yn gosod esiampl dda i blant a phobl ifanc ar sut mae yfed alcohol - y pumed lladdwr mwyaf yn y byd - yn gyfrifol.

Y drafferth yw bod Cris Dafis wedi cymysgu dau beth yn ei erthygl a thrwy wneud hynny, fel sawl un arall, mae wedi cymylu’r ddadl.

Nid sôn am yr esiampl y dylai rhieni ei gosod i blant a phobl ifanc ydw i - mae hynny’n rhywbeth sy’n digwydd beth bynnag, fel y dyfynna Cris, in the home environment. Sôn yr ydw i am yr esiampl (neu ddiffyg esiampl yn yr achos hwn) y mae’r Urdd fel sefydliad yn ei gosod.

Er mwyn deall fy ngwrthwynebiad i benderfyniad yr Urdd yn well, mae’n hanfodol gwahaniaethu rhwng y ddau beth. Does â wnelo beth mae rhieni yn ei wneud ddim oll, yn yr achos hwn, â beth mae’r sefydliad yn ei i wneud (neu beth ddylai’r sefydliad ei wneud).

Nid rôl yr Urdd yw cynnal arbrawf er mwyn i rieni gael ymarfer dysgu eu plant sut i yfed yn gyfrifol. Gallant wneud hynny ar y maes carafannau a.y.b. Mae’r awgrym y gallai’r Urdd wneud cymwynas â phlant Cymru trwy gynnal y fath arbrawf yn beryglus o naïf ac anghyfrifol. Trychinebus fu arbrawf cyffelyb yn Ffrainc - fel mae’r Ffrancwyr yn canfod nawr gyda 20 miliwn o Ffrancwyr yn dioddef problemau iechyd hirdymor o ganlyniad. Rôl yr Urdd, sy’n fudiad plant a phobl ifanc, yw trefnu a llwyfannu’r Eisteddfod er budd yr iaith Gymraeg a diwyllant y genedl, a gwneud hynny mewn awyrgylch sy’n rhoi iechyd, lles a diogelwch plant a phobl ifanc o flaen popeth arall.

Y sefydliadau sy’n elwa o’r “arbrawf” hwn, sut bynnag, yw’r bragwyr a’r gwerthwyr alcohol sydd wedi treiddio i’r Urdd. Fydd yr Urdd yn ddim bellach, iddynt hwy, ond ffordd arall o feithrin marchnad newydd. Does ganddynt hwy ddim diddordeb mewn helpu rhieni i ddysgu eu plant sut i yfed yn gyfrifol. Eu blaenoriaeth hwy yw hyrwyddo gwerthiant alcohol. A sut maent yn llwyddo i wneud hynny? Drwy gyflwyno alcohol mewn cyd-destun iachusol, hwyliog a theuluol braf neu, fel mae’r Urdd yn ei wneud, drwy gyflwyno “gwydriad bach o win mewn cyd-destun pryd o fwyd”. Nid yw normaleiddio alcohol fel hyn yn arwain at yfed cyfrifol ymhlith plant a phobl ifanc. Mae tystiolaeth yn awgrymu ei fod yn gwneud y gwrthwyneb.

Mae’n hysbys fod y bragwyr yn targedu chwaraeon a digwyddiadau diwylliannol o bob math er mwyn creu delwedd fwy derbyniol i’w gwenwyn. Hyd y flwyddyn hon yr Urdd oedd un o’r ychydig sefydliadau diwylliannol i beidio cael eu temtio i’r fagl. Mae hynny wedi digwydd bellach. Tristwch pethau yw nad yw’r Urdd na’i Gyngor yn ymwybodol eto o’r ffordd sinigaidd y meant wedi cael eu defnyddio.

Gyda llaw, gweithio i Gyngor Cymru ar Alcohol a Chyffuriau Eraill ydw i ac nid i Alcohol Concern - er mod i’n cydweithio’n glos â hwy.
Pam gadael i ffaith sefyll yn ffordd stori dda ynte, Cris? Yn enwedig pan mae’n creu’r argraff ’mod i’n gweithredu’n groes i bolisi'r Elusen sy’n fy nghyflogi.

Some other ways to combat that feeling of impending doom

None of you have suggested the techniques I have used successfully to overcome that gnawing feeling of impending doom.

1) I used positive affirmations. At every available opportunity I’d self-talk using statements like, “I have good health, vitality and prosperity. I am at one with my Higher Power and trust absolutely” “If God is for me, who can be against me?” “I have enough money not to have to worry about money”
“I love myself and my fellow man” “I keep my life simple”, etc.

2) Every night before going to sleep I’d read to myself statements like, “I wake up in the morning and solve all my problems” “I wake up in the morning and feel positive and ready and eager to face the day” “I wake up in the morning and I know that everything will work out exactly as they’re meant to”, etc.

3) I recorded a tape of my favourite songs and, interspersed with the songs, I recorded positive statements about myself, like, “I love myself” “I’m successful and have loads of friends” “I’m popular and treasure my friends” “I’m a fantastic guy and I’m bubbling with life” “I have a passion for life” “I’m a survivor and am on my way to achieving my full potential”. Having recorded the tape I’d then play it to myself first thing in the morning.

4) I also set myself realistic, achievable goals. Now you’ve got to get this right. The goals MUST be set in the present tense, as if you have already achieved the goal. For example, “I am earning £15,000 a year” Note that I don’t say, “I will earn £15,000 a year” but “I AM earning £15,000 a year”.

The goal must also be realistic. You can’t, for example say “I am earning £50,000 a year” when you’re only earning £10,000 at present. That’s unrealistic, and the subconscious won’t accept it. Adding 50% to your present income IS realistic however. You’re achievable, realistic goal would therefore be “I am earning £15,000 a year”. Gedd it?


It’s OK, incidentally, to set materialistic goals. Quite often the lack of money can be the cause of that feeling of impending doom.

That gnawing feeling of impending doom

Have you woken up this morning with that feeling of impending doom? That horrid feeling that things aren’t going to work out as they should, and that you’re going to end up a cropper before the day is out?

This is a consequence of negative thinking whereby we believe our own lies about ourselves. It can destroy each day and mar the enjoyment of our newfound recoveries.

So how can we stop doing this?

The sad news is that nobody else is going to do it for us – not even God.

There was a gardener friend of mine once who was paid a visit by a government official. The government official marvelled at my friend’s garden. “Wow!” he said, “God’s been good to you giving you this beautiful garden!”
“You should have seen it when God was in charge of it” said my friend, “It was a jungle then!”

God, you see, won’t do for us what we can do for ourselves. Similarly with these negative thoughts – we ourselves have to train ourselves to develop a positive outlook on life.

So how do we do that? That’s your task for today – to suggest ways of combating these negative thoughts.

I’ll start you off: how about making a gratitude list of things we can be grateful for? That, surely, is one way to get us into a better, more positive frame of mind.

Over to you…………any other suggestions?

Internal locus of control

Often, painfully, we get to learn that our needs are never going to be met by people, places and things. When that happens we are at a loss what to do or where to turn. The sense of disappointment and despair can be crippling, often making suicide an attractive option. Out external locus of control has failed us.
So what do we do?
We obviously need to find an internal locus of control.
But how do we do that?
Simple! By recognising our need for help.
That recognition of our need for help accesses us to an internal locus of control – a control that will always satisfy our needs and never let us down.

What does it take?

When we make a big deal of things - that’s what we get: A BIG DEAL

That’s why we try and avoid ‘black & white’ thinking or ‘catastrophe’ thinking. Our problems are caused by not what happens to us but by the way we react to what happens to us. So, we ‘engage brain before opening mouth’; challenge negative thoughts (always based on lies) and replace them with rational thoughts (always based on truths). We also have to ‘toughen up’ and, paradoxically, become vulnerable all at the same time. And what does ‘toughening up’ mean? It means accepting that I’m a survivor and not a victim. And becoming vulnerable? That means showing people who I am – the authentic me, warts and all. We have to be brave, therefore, in order to recover. It takes guts. It takes stick-to-itiveness too. What else? Well a belief that recovery is possible.

All of a sudden, however, things had changed

One aspect of my recovery that worried me very much was my self-seeking. I was still envious of other peoples’ success; wanted to earn more money than anybody else; and wanted to be more successful than other people.

This self-seeking, incidentally, was totally outside of my control and all I could do was accept it. After all, I’d long ago learnt that I had to accept myself ‘warts and all’ – that’s how I overcame my alcoholism in the first place, by accepting what I was and recognising my need of help. But thirteen years down the line and my self-seeking was as potent as ever and immune, it seemed to me, even to ‘acceptance’.

All of a sudden, however, things had changed. Once my decision was made to access a college course on Addictions Counselling and to become a "giver" instead of a "taker" – I felt different, somehow. The best way I can explain it is that I felt as if I’d come off the back of a wild horse that I’d been riding for the past 57 years. All of a sudden I knew I wasn’t in competition with anyone else any more; and what had seemed so important to me once – money, prestige, success - had, all of a sudden, lost their lustre.

Miraculously, my whole outlook on life had changed. That’s one of the promises that’s made to alcoholics like me if we work hard at our recovery – ‘Self-seeking will fade away’ –; but I genuinely never thought for one moment that it would happen to me – after all I was no saint. Out also, finally, went my fear of people – no longer tied to this inhibiting fear of ‘what people thought of me’, I could now begin to enjoy the exquisite freedom to be the authentic me - to be true to nature.